Time to be selfish.

For what feels like the first time in my life I am going to put myself first.

I am ill. I won't get better unless I give myself a break, cut myself some slack and let myself off the hook for once.

This isn't me using my illness as an excuse, or opting out of things because I can't be bothered. This is me making a serious decision about my future. The way I look at it I have two options:

1) Keep going as I am, keep myself sick and end up making myself worse in the long run.

2) Take some time out, do things for myself and prevent things getting worse in the future.

I'm not superman. I can't do everything.

This is my body telling me that I can't cope. I've been ignoring it for far too long and it's time I listened.

So for once in my life, I am going to be an entirely selfish being. If I don't feel I can do something, I will tell someone I'm not up to it.

I am going to stop comparing myself to other people. Maybe I'm not as strong as everyone else, maybe I am wired differently. That's neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It just is. It's not my fault, it's out of my control. I must stop blaming myself.

I won't let this beat me.

(Who am I trying to convince? You or me?)

"I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable
I am not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
but you're just troubled"